Focus group questionnaire

For the first questions i asked how they think Lindsey comes across as a character, and the  answers i got was that she is a suspicious charcter who likes to keep herself to herself, but likes to know whats going on. This is what i wanted people to think of Lindsey so this shows me that i am presenting her character well. The second question i asked was how can Kate's personality stand out more. My answers for this are quite similar they are, introduce her to more people, bring her relationship out earlier, and talk about her past. This gives me a clear idea of how i can add to Kate's relationship to make it stand out, the main thing being bring her  out to more characters. The third question was about my theme i asked if there was enough suspicion and mystery everyone answered yes, but someone made a suggestion that i could have the neighbor whisper something whilst she is staring at them. This shows me that there is enough but that small idea could be added. The fourth question i asked was who's character they think should stand out more and here i got a mixture of answers: Jessica, Steve, and Amanda. Amanda was mentioned the most so this tells me that i should make her character stand out more than the others. The last question i asked was if it's clear who Jessica is and the answers i got are yes it is clear who she is but she could be brought into conversations more. This tells me that i am doing well with presenting the character of Jessica but i could bring her into more conversations.

2nd draft

SUSPICIOUS BLOOD

BY

Charlotte Smith

(2^nd draft)

DURATION (8:00 – 18:20) DAY AFTER PREVIOUS EPISODE

SCENE 132/1. OUTSIDE HOME                                                                                   (8:00)

(STEVEN AND LINDSEY ARE EXITING THE HOUSE AND WALKING TO THE CAR THEIR NEIGHBOUR STARES AS THEY WALK AND GET INTO THE CAR)

LINDSEY:

Why does she have to stare at us like that?

STEVEN:

(STARTS THE ENGINE) I don’t know Lindsey just ignore it

(THERE IS AN AKWARD SILENCE UNTIL THEY REACH THE NEXT SET OF LIGHTS)

STEVEN:

(TURNS HEAD TO LINDSEY) Are you okay Lindsey?

(LINDSEY IGNORES STEVEN AND STARES OUT THE WINDOW)

132/2

(STEVEN’S CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE WAITING OUTSDE THE CHURCH DEBBIE IS ROUTING AROUND IN HER BAG ANXIOUSLY)

DEBBIE:

I wonder where they are, there twenty minutes late…ring them will you

BETHANY:

They’ll be here in a minute, don’t be so inpatient mum

(LINDSEY AND STEVEN ARE SEEN DRIVING UP THE ROAD)

See they’re here now

(FAMILY AND FRIENDS APPROACH THE CAR AS THEY GET OUT, EVERYONE IS QUIET)

STEVEN:

Right well, we all know why we’re here (stares around) let’s get on with it

(STEVEN GRABS HIS JACKET OUT OF THE CAR SWINGS IT OVER HIS SHOULDER AND HEADS TOWARDS THE CHURCH, LINDSEY, FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOLLOW.)

132/3

(BACK AT AMANDAS HOUSE)

AMANDA:

(SHOUTING PACING UP AND DOWN THE ROOM) I can’t believe they didn’t invite me. How can they not invite ME I was her best friend, yeah we had a small argument but so? We were still best friends, she would of wanted me there

BERT:

(SAT ON THE SOFA WITH A BRU IN HIS HAND WATCHING TELE) There is no point in shouting to me about it, if you’re that bothered then just go, they are most likely not going to make a scene about you being there

AMANDA:

I can’t just show up… (STOPS PACING) actually yes I can, I can, he can’t stop me…right I’m going

(AMANDA GRABS HER COAT, KEYS AND BAG AND HEADS TO THE DOOR)

AMANDA:

Okay I’m going

(AMANDA GETS INTO THE CAR)

AMANDA:

(WHISPERING TO HERSELF) I can do this, I can do this

(AMANDA PUTS THE KEYS IN THE CAR AND DRIVES AWAY)

132/4

(AMANDA PULLS UP NEXT TO THE CHURCH AND EVERYONE STARTS TO EXIT,SHE GETS OUT THE CAR AND WALS OVER TO STEVEN)

STEVEN:

(WHISPERING ANGRILY) what do you think you are doing here? You shouldn’t be here you wasn’t invited and I don’t want you here so please just go home

AMANDA:

(WHISPERING ANGRILY) Listen I was her best friend I have a right to be here, you might not want be here but she would’ve, I have a right to say goodbye just like all of these people, I’m not here to cause a fuss I just want to show some respect for my best friend

STEVEN:

(STILL WHISPERING ANGRILY) Best friend? Really? You meant nothing to her when she died and you mean nothing to her now so go away

AMANDA:

(STILL WHISPERING ANGRILY) I’m staying no matter what you say (WALKS AWAY TO HER CAR)

(PEOPLE APPROCH STEVEN AND SHAKE HIS HAND WHILST AMANDA SITS AND EVILY GLARES AT THEM)

STEVEN:

Right I think we should be moving along now, c’mon Lindsey (PLACES HIS ARM AROUNDS LINDSEY AND STARTS TO WALK HER TO THE CAR)

(STEVEN AND LINDSEY BOTH GET IN THE CAR, LINDSEY STARES OUT THE WINDOW AT THE CHURCH AND TEAT FALLS DOWN HER FACE)

STEVEN:

Ey chicken, c’mon don’t cry your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad

LINDSEY:

(STARING OUT THE WINDOW) You don’t know what mum would want, you’re not her, you don’t know, let’s just go

(STEVEN SAYS NOTHING, STARTS THE CAR AND STARTS TP DRIVE AWAY ALL THE OTHER CARS FOLLOW)

132/4

(ALL THE CARS PULL UP OUTSIDE THE PUB)

STEVEN:

Right c’mon

(BOTH LINDSEY AND STEVEN GET OUT THE CAR AND ARE GREETED BY THE BAR OWNER THEY ENTER THE PUB WERE THERE ARE SOME GUEST ALREADY THEY ALL LOOK AS HE WALKS IN STEVEN SMILES AND WALKS OVER TO THE BAR)

STEVEN:

(LOOKING AT LINDSEY WHILST REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET TO GET OUT HIS WALLET) What do you want to drink hun?

LINDSEY:

A coke please, I’ll go sit down

(LINDSEY SITS DOWN AT A NEAR SEAT AND LOOKS AROUND TO SEE A FEW PEOPLE STARING AT HER SHE LOOKS DOWN AND PULLS OUT HER PHONE)

STEVEN:

(WALKING OVER) Here we go the first ones free because it’s our event

LINDSEY:(LOOKS UP TO STEVEN WITH A SHOCKED FACE) How can you say that..

STEVEN:

(INTURRUPTING) Oh no hun, I didn’t mean it like that…ey your mum would want us to be happy not all sad

LINDSEY:

Dad it’s mums funeral so sorry if I don’t find your stupid jokes funny

STEVEN:

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you…look Emily’s over there are you not going to say hello

(LINDSEY GETS UP AND WALKS TO THE DOOR WHERE EMILY IS STOOD)

EMILY:

Hey are you okay? Here this is for you (REACHES IN BAG AND PULLS OUT A CARD< SHE GIVES IT TO LINDSEY)

LINDSEY:

Thanks, and thanks for coming I’m glad you’re here, my dad’s been trying to ‘lighten the mood’ all day and I’m not in the mood for him

JESSICA:

Oh god, have you not found anything else out yet?

LINDSEY:

Nope nothing, I think I’m wrong, I haven’t found anything other than my dad acting strange but that’s bound to happen because he’s just lost his wife right?

JESSICA:

Yeah that’s what it will be, (LOOKS OVER TO LINDSEYS DAD WHO IS SAT WITH A COUPLE OF FRIENDS) It must be hard for him, you shouldn’t be so uptight with him Lindsey especially on a day like this, I know you’ve lost your mum but he has lost his wife

LINDSEY:

(LOOKS OVER TO HER DAD) I know I shouldn’t but it’s just hard to not be today

132/5

(OUTSIDE THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE GATHERD HAVING A CIGARETTE, A CAR PULL UP OUTSIDE AND A WOMAN GETS OUT)

(PHONE RINGS)

KATE:

Hello…yes I’ve just got here now, I shouldn’t be too long…about an hour or so…yeah, okay bye, bye

(KATE GRABS HER BAG AND WALKS INTO THE PUB)

132/6

(KATE STARES AROUND THE PUB AND SPOTS STEVEN, HE WALKS OVER SMILING)

STEVEN:

Hey, I’m glad you made it

(KATE SMILES BACK)

KATE:

I can’t stay for too long, he’ll be wondering where I am

(LINDSEY WALKS OVER)

STEVEN:

Right well..

(KATE INTURUPTS)

KATE:

Who’s this dad?

STEVEN:

Oh Lindsey I didn’t see you there, this is my err…secretary

KATE:

Your secretary? That’s funny you’ve never mentioned you secretary before

STEVEN:

That’s only because I don’t like to talk about work at home sweetheart…Kate this is my daughter, Lindsey

(KATE REACHES OUT HER HAND TO LINDSEY, LINDSEY IGNORES THE GESTURE AND WALKS OVER TO THE BAR)

LINDSEY:

(TO BARMAN) A coke please

KATE:

Well its clear a certain someone doesn’t like me…and your secretary really? Could of thought of something better than that

STEVEN:

Well I had to think on the spot she would’ve clicked on if I said you was a close friend of her  mum’s…anyway how long have you got?

KATE:

Only about an hour, I told Jerry I was popping to my mum, the last thing I want right now is him going up there and asking where I am

STEVEN:

Who cares what he does, im sure you can think of something, now come over here so we can have a proper talk

(STEVEN AND KATE WALK OVER TO A LESS CROWDED AREA OF THE PUB

(KATE PULSS HER BAG UP TO HER SHOULDER, THEY BOTH BEGAN TO WHISPER ANGRILY AT EACH OTHER)

KATE:

 I do care about him you know, none of this is his fault he shouldn’t be the one who gets hurt

STEVEN:

Please you can’t be serious, I know what you care about, and it’s not him it’s what’s in his pocket

KATE:

Your one to speak, you only married that despicable woman to get one over and me, and now look at you crawling back

STEVEN:

Okay! Let’s stop this it’s not going to help, and I can see a certain someone is keeping a very close eye on us, so lets go over and act like we have just had a conversation about work okay?

KATIE:

You can’t just keep brushing this conversation off, its not just going to go away on it’s own

STEVEN:

You don’t think I know that kate, your part is as big as mine in this, but for now I need to put a brave face on for my daughter so come on

(KATE AND STEVEN WALK OVER TO LINDSEY SMILING)

STEVEN:

(STROKING LINDSEY’S HAIR) Sorry about that sweetheart we just had a to discuss some work

KATE:

I’m just going to nip to the toilet, I won’t be long

STEVEN:

Can I get you or drink or anything for when you come back?

KATE:

No, best not I’m driving (KATE WALKS AWAY)

LINDSEY:

So who is she really dad?

STEVEN:

Kate?...She’s my secretary darling

LINDSEY:

You really expect me to believe that you have never mentioned her before but she is your work secretary...why’s she even here anyway she didn’t even know mum

STEVEN:

What’s so hard to believe darling? She just has some trouble with some work so I told her where I am and I suggested she stopped for an hour, that’s all

LINDSEY:

Yeah okay whatever

(KATE WALKS OUT OFF THE BATHROOM AND LINDSEY WALKS AWAY AND GOES AND SITS WITH HER BESTFRINED)

JESSICA:

Who’s that then with you your dad?

LINDSEY:

He says it’s his secretary at work and she had a problem with work or something

JESSICA:

And do you believe him?

LLINDSEY:

I’m not sure, since mum died I don’t know what to believe

132/7

KATE:

I can feel her staring Steven, I don’t like it

STEVEN:

She’ll just be suspicious, it’s like all the young ones these days don’t worry I’ll sort it

KATE:

We can’t be having people being suspicious Steve, especially your own daughter, not when where in a situation like this

STEVEN:

I said I’d sort it and I will, the more you get worked up the more suspicious people will get, we just act like we are work mates and that will be it, trust me will you

KATE:

Well sorry if I find it hard to trust people, I’ve ended up in this situation, it’s not exactly easy for me to trust

(PHONE RINGS)

KATE:

It’s him, I best take this outside

132/8

KATE:

Hey sweetheart

132/9

(INSIDE THE PUB JESSICA AND LINDSEY ARE LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW)

JESSICA:

Who do you think she’s speaking to?

LINDSEY:

I don’t know, probably someone who she doesn’t want to know that she is here

JESSICA:

Or maybe because it’s quiet outside? Things don’t have to always be drastic you know

LINDSEY 

C’mon it’s my dad nothing has ever been simple or straight forward since mum died.

132/10

(KATE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN AND WLAKS BACK TO THE PUB, JESSICA AND LINDSEY SIT BACK DOWN)

KATE:

 I best go, he’s wondering where I am

STEVEN:

Already?

KATE:

Yes already, I told you I didn’t have long, now are you going to walk me out?

(STEVEN PUTS DOWN HIS PINT AND FOLLOWS KATE OUT THE DOOR, LINDSEY FOLLOWS AFTER SHORTLY. STEVEN GOES IN TO GIVE KATE A GOODBYE KISS AS SHE UNLOCKS HER CAR)

KATE:

(WHISPERING ANGRILY) What are you doing? Do you want us to get caught?

STEVEN:

 No of course not I just want a proper goodbye, it’s not a lot to ask, no one can see

KATE:

This isn’t a game you know Steve

STEVEN:

 I never said it was just give me a kiss and I’ll go

(THEY SHARE A QUICK KISS AND HE WAVES HER GOODBYE AS SHE REVERSES OUT OF THE CAR PARK, LINDSEY IS STOOD AT THE CORNER IRRITATED)



Eastenders

I found that in the first ten minutes of Eastenders there were eleven scenes including more than one location and various characters. Then throughout I found there were twenty four characters plus the extras depending on scenery, i also found that there were nine locations that were repeated throughout the programme and they sometimes included a mix of different characters that was in a different location, the locations was also all linked to the main place albert square for example most of the locations where characters houses the street or pub/club. There was four different story lines taking place there was no clear indication to a main storyline involved  in this episode because they were all mentioned around the same amount of times. I found that the amount of characters was dependent on scenery for example in a house there was a maximum of five people but in the pub/club there was many more, and also the storyline taking place had an effect on which characters were there. The characters act well as they adapt themselves into the situation/storyline, for example with tones of voices, body language, facial expression and the way they give of a sense of realism to the situation/storyline. They say the lines as if it was a conversation in reality.

Hollyoaks

Hollyoaks starts differently to Eastenders it starts with previous shots in main different locations with many different characters . Then I found throughout the first 10 minutes there were nine scene changes, like Eastenders including various locations and characters. I counted four story lines which all twenty one characters were involved in at some point some more than others and some had bigger roles. There was more indication to being a main story line compared to Eastenders because it was mostly about the weddings more than the other sub story lines. There were also the extra characters dependent on scenery the same as Eastenders, i counted ten locations and also similarly to Eastenders the amount of characters ranged dependent on the location for example in a house there was only a maximum of 4 people but in the street there was at least double this amount. Also like Eastenders the locations were all interlinked with the ain village, for example characters houses or businesses I think the characters acted well because like Eastenders they adapted themselves to the situation for example a woman adapts her emotions to the scene she is in but i think Eastenders did this better because they used better body language and facial expressions.

http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts/eastenders_872.pdf

/1 EASTENDERS

EPISODE EIGHT HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO

BY

Marc Peirson

(4th draft)

DURATION (08.00 - 19.20) DAY AFTER PREVIOUS EPISODE

LOT

SCENE 872/1. EXT. OUTSIDE THE VIC. DAY (08.00)

(TRADERS BUSTLE IN THE MARKET. TERESA THREADS HER WAY THROUGH, CARRYING AN ARMFUL OF STOCK. LISA PASSES. BEPPE COMES OUT OF THE CAFÉ.)

LISA: Morning Teresa!

(TERESA SEES BEPPE AND HIDES OUT OF SIGHT. BEPPE REACTS TO LISA’S GOOD MORNING AND LOOKS AROUND PUZZLED. HE MOVES ON.

GRANT JOGS ALONG BRIDGE STREET. HE PASSES BEPPE HEADING FOR E20 AND SNEERS AT HIM.

GRANT JOGS PAST JAMIE AT THE BOOKSTALL AND TERESA SETTING UP. HE STOPS BY THE RAILINGS WHERE TIFFANY’S FLOWERS ARE.

HE LOOKS ACROSS TO SEE FRANK WITH RICKY OUTSIDE THE PUB)

FRANK:

(IRONIC) Good Morning Grant.

(FRANKS SMILES. GRANT SNEERS AND JOGS OFF)

RICKY: What’s his problem?

This script is more detailed than the outnumbered one. It is also set differently, the name of the progrmme is first and then the episode, who this is written by and then what number draft it is. It then says the duration and when this takes place.  It then starts the scene by saying were it is and the time wereas the other script does not say the time is just says the day. All the text is to the left hand side unlike the other, it has a brief of what will happen then the name of the person who speaks and what they say next to it. This script like the other is also a mix of dialouge and actions but, in this script they tend to be sepearte unless there is a small one for the person speaking. This one is also much more detail to it, for example it gives you much more information about what is happening in the scene, whereas the other just says what that particular character will be doing. Also all the actions are written in capital letters, maybe this is because the writer wants the actress/actor to be aware what is happening so has made it stand out, i like this idea and could use this in my script to make it clear what is happening. In the little section i have picked out, unlike the other there is six mentions of charcters, this shows me that the sceneray they are in broadens the amount of charcters metioned and speaking. I could adapt this idea to my script, to make it feel more real like the audience wanted. 

http://www.zen134237.zen.co.uk/Outnumbered_4x05.pdf

Outnumbered IV – Episode 5 – Shooting Script – 17

th March 2011 1

EPISODE 5

1. EXT. HOUSE. DAY – D1

BEN (starts OOV)

I could be handcuffed and suspended from a crane, in a block of ice.

2. INT. KITCHEN. DAY – D1

Dad is clearing up breakfast stuff with a phone tucked under his chin.

DAD

That feels like a lot of work for a school talent competition

(He speaks into the phone with exaggerated pronunciation

you use when you are speaking to a machine) Y-e-s. But it’s

great you’re taking part, y-e-s…..(mutters) stupid machine.

BEN

I could do the magic trick I did with, Gran. Her face when

she thought I’d smashed her watch with that hammer.

DAD

Well….you had.

BEN

Yeh…..I still don’t know what went wrong there.

DAD (into phone)

Y-e-s

BEN

I think it was the wrong kind of hammer

DAD

No, I said y-e-s.

BEN

Still, Gran likes her new watch.

MUM enters shouting behind her.

This script is much more simple and less detailed than the eastenders script, it is layed out with the programme name, episode and shooting script at the very top, then the date and the episode number repeated underneath. Then under this, at the left hand side is the place were it will take place and each time this changes it is written. It also says the day and what a member of cast is doing then in the center it is the charcters name who will be speaking and then undearneath what they are saying also what that specific person is doing. The script is a mix of dialouge and actions like the eastenders script. There is less use of actions in this script compared to the eastenders script. In the section i have picked out of the script, there is only three characters mentioned in comparison to the eastenders script were there is double the amount, showing me this is a much smaller range of people but this could be to do with the sceneray they are in. To me this script is much more easier to read and understand because of how its layed out, whereas the other one looks more complex i think it needs more use of actions. I could make my script similar to this one but add more actions when i feel is necessary.

1st draft

In this scene it is after the funeral of Lindsey’s mother and she is introduced to her father’s lover but questions who she really is.

This scene takes place in the local pub were Lindsey’s mum used to regularly visit. It is around 12:00p.m and is a rainy day.

Kate walks in the pub soaking wet and Steven goes to great her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The camera shows their full bodies.

The camera then zooms up to their faces.

Steven: I’m glad you made it. (Smiling)

Kate: I can’t stay for long, he’ll be wondering where I am

The camera turns and shows Lindsey’s face. Lindsey gives a suspicious look over at them, she heads over.

Lindsey: who’s this dad? Lindsey is stood side on facing her dad

Steven: Oh Lindsey, I want you to meet Kate she’s my err.. secretary

Lindsey: That’s funny you’ve never mentioned you had a secretary before

Steven:  (Nervous) that’s only because I don’t like to talk about work at home, Kate this is my daughter Lindsey.

Kate reaches out her hand so Lindsey will shake it, but Lindsey does not acknowledge this and walks away to the bar where she keeps a close eye on them

The camera just shows Lindsey at the bar

Lindsey: (to barman) a coke please

The camera then zooms up to both Kate and Stevens faces.

Kate: Well that was awkward, and you could of said I was a friend instead of your secretary

Steven: Well it was the first thing that popped in to my head. How long have you got?

Kate: Only an hour or so, I told jerry that I was popping out to see my mum the last thing I want his him going up there and asking her where I am.

Steven: Who cares what he does, now come over here so we can have a proper talk about this

The camera shows a quick glance of Lindsey who is still keeping a close eye on them as they move over to an empty corner of the bar

Kate: I do care about him you know, I don’t want him to get hurt

Steven: Please we all know what you care about and that’s not him it’s whats in his pocket.

Kate: You can talk you only married that despicable women to pull one over on me, and now look at you bouncing back to me

Steven: right we best stop talking about this I can see my daughter has a very close eye on us so we best go over and act like we have just had a discussion about work nothing else okay?

Kate: fine but we need to discuss what’s happened at some point in wont all go away on it’s own you know

Steven: (whispering angrily) you don’t think I know that Kate, your part is just as big as mine in this whole incident but I need to put on a brave face for my daughter so come on

Kate and Steven walk over to Lindsey smiling.

Steven:  sorry about that sweetheart we just had some work stuff to talk about (stroking her hair)

The camera zooms up to Kate who gives Steven a sarcastic smile

Kate: I’m just going to pop to toilet won’t be long

Steven: okay can I get you a drink or anything

Kate: no better not im driving

Kate walks away.

Lindsey: so who is she really dad?

Steven: who? Kate? My secretary

Lindsey: you really expect me to believe that you have never mentioned this women before but she is your work secretary, why’s she even here anyway she didn’t even know mum.

Steven: She just has some trouble with some work so I told her where I am and I suggested she stopped for an hour, that’s all

Lindsey: whatever

Lindsey walks away and takes a seat with her best friend. Whilst Kate is walking out of the toilets and heading towards Steven. When Kate gets to Steven he put his arm around her. Jessica and Lindsey both stare at them.

Jessica: Who’s that lady with your dad?

Lindsey: He says it’s his secretary at work and she had a problem or something

Jessica turns to Kate

Jessica: Do you believe him?

Lindsey is still staring at them both

Lindsey: I’m not so sure, since mum died I’ve noticed a lot of lies, im not sure what to believe.

The camera shows Kate and Steven

Kate: I can feel her staring Steven, I don’t like it

Steven: I think she’s just suspicious don’t worry ill sort it out, I always do

Kate: We can’t be doing with people being suspicious Stev, especially your own daughter, not when we’re in a situation like this

Steven: I said I’d sort it and I will, the more you get worked up the more suspicious people will get, we just act like we are work mates and that will be it

Phone rings and Kate looks at it  

Kate: It’s him, I better take this out side

Kate walks out and the camera follows her. The camera then goes back to Jessica and Lindsey who are peaking out the window.

Jessica: who do you think she’s speaking to?

Lindsey: I don’t know someone who she doesn’t want to know she is here

Jessica: or maybe because it’s quiet outside? Things don’t have to always be drastic you know

Lindsey:  c’mon it’s my dad nothing has ever been simple or straight forward since mum died.

Kate puts the phone down and walks back in to the pub to Steven.

Kate: I best go, he’s wondering where I am

Steven: Okay I’ll walk you out